The Great Indian MBA Dream

As I am trying to aboard the ship called ‘Blogging’, I thought it would be best if I start with something whose stakeholder I am. I am quite an active participant of this not-so-old ‘National Hobby’ of our country: ‘The MBA Dream’.

MBA seems to be the in-thing ! Youngsters are going crazy over this phenomenon.

Everyone has his own reasons for it. The Top-rated reasons are:

• One is unemployed and feels MBA is actually a NEGS (National Employment Guarantee Scheme)
• One thinks that every MBA grad earns a million $ salary
• One thinks he really needs an MBA for the thrust he wants in his career
• One is frustrated with his IT job
• One’s GF/BF is an MBA, so you gotta be >= MBA
• Everyone’s doing an MBA, so you wanna do it too

Every reason is as good as the other. No comments here!

This whole saga is divided into 4 stages (arranged chronologically).
And, it has 2 major stakeholders (The Aspirant & The Outsider).

The Great Indian MBA aspirants

Well… the dreamers, the achievers, the losers … all hold a stake in this coveted community. The most zealous lot, inspired souls, frustrated souls, all… comprise this community. A typical MBA aspiring bunch can be broadly divided into 3 categories:

1. who have a clear idea why they want to pursue MBA
2. who have a somewhat idea about their aspirations
3. who don’t have the slightest idea what they are doing

Nevertheless, the 3^rd community consists of the multitude and believe me, they never miss an opportunity to show-off how cool they are!

Snippet from a casual chat between category 1 and category 3(category 2 usually takes a safer side and likes to blow with the wind):

Cat1: So dude… howz preparation and all goin?

Cat3: What prep!! Ohhh.. CAT! I almost forgot that I will be taking the exams. Thanks for reminding me!

Cat1 (Confused, Thinks better not to say anything further): Hmm…

Cat3(continues… ): Arre yaar, who has the time! Weekday college/office and weekend beer!! Are you preparing seriously!!???( amazed )

Cat1: Oh yeah… I am! I am.

Cat3: Good for you dude!(I don’t give a damn to these petty things)

They part their ways. Cat1 still wondering as to what was that!!

The Great Indian MBA written test aka CAT

“This test is not for the MEEK”- I still remember BT’s CAT Course tag-line. It was the first time I got intrigued by this CAT thingy. It, surely, is the mother of all aptitude tests. The beauty of CAT is that, cracking it through flukes is almost improbable.

How to spot a CAT centre: It’s a mickey-mouse course, I tell ya. On the 2^nd last Sunday of November, places where you see the maximum crowd, is surely a CAT centre. Shopping malls and bird-watching centers are deprived of their crowds till afternoon that day until CAT is over.
I bet, if there had to be a single CAT centre in the country, it would outnumber a ‘Kumbh-ka-Mela’ crowd!

Then comes the period when the coaching institutes come out with their probable answers and expected cut-offs!
I tell you, they themselves differ so much from each other, and most of all, from the real CAT answers provided by IIMs. I just wonder how the hell they get a license to coach for CAT when they are so so wrong in their perception of correct answers.

The Great Indian MBA GD/PI

Now that the CAT results are out, Comes the great great GD/PI! Undoubtedly, the most amazing stage of this whole saga. If you are an office-goer, you suddenly realize that "The Hindu" and "The Economic Times" are out of the shelves all the time. People who never read a newspaper or read just the ‘Times Supplement’ , are all after some serious news.
Economic policies, GDP, socio-political agendas suddenly become the flavors of the season.

@The great GD/PI battlefield:
Often, no socio-political-economic issues are discussed. It’s a general discussion for which you don’t really have to prepare.

Prof: Why MBA?

Asp: blah blah.. (some global gas[GG])

Prof: But what it is that you can’t achieve without MBA?

Asp: Thinks n tries to explain… but can’t come out with something so convincing that the Prof. is ready to buy!
.
.
.
.
Prof: So, finally it comes down to easy money. Isn’t it!!??

Asp(Asshole, why are you working as a Prof.? don’t you want to earn money?? Now, don’t give some GG as if you always wanted to become a Prof. and all!!) : No sir.. actually sir.. money is not the prima-facie. All I wanted to say, sir, is that…. (tries to speak, but fumbles)
Prof: Okay, thanks for your time. You may leave now.

Asp (whatttt!!!??) : Ok, sir. Thank you, sir. Have a good day, sir.

2 guys with similar situation as pictured above. One gets through, other doesn’t!
That’s the beauty of The Great Indian MBA GD/PI.

The Great Indian B-school convert

Anxiousness at its peak at this stage!
Type-in your Roll Num., press Enter and… Close your eyes!!
The longest moment in your life it is. Heart-beat 2x/3x. You pray the hardest of all, at that time.

Some get through, some waitlisted and some could not make it.

The screen with the words “Congratulation! Xxxxxxxxxxxx “. I tell you, it’s the most amazing feeling at the moment and some moments to come. It’s like… It’s like an orgasm!!
The sense of achievement that you get is, Tremendous.

If you don’t get through, it feels worse than a girl rejecting you in front of your kith and kin, man!

At the EOD, you will be sipping beer, anywayz! “Khushi mein ya ghum mein!”

The Great Indian B-school Waiting List

Now, this is the most painful and irritating phase of the season. You get kind of a “Constipated Happiness!”. I mean, you feel happy coz you stand a chance, but not sure about it. So, you keep worrying and worrying all the time!

But as Andy said: “ Hope is a good thing, perhaps the best of things. And no good thing ever dies!”
So, try to savor the moments and never let the ‘hope’ die.
After all, it’s better than no hope at all, right!

The Great Indian MBA Outsider

This is the best part of the whole saga!
Junta - MBA Aspirant = MBA outsider.

All of them are overtly aware of this MBA thing. Thanks to the newspapers who flash B-school placement figures on their front pages.
These people are not much concerned with the MBA course per se. They are primarily concerned with the MBA aspirants.
The common thing about them is, that during the whole set of phases, they are the ones who’ll cheer you up!
First of all, being an MBA aspirant and surrounded by similar species, these are the only people who will help you see other facets of life vis-à-vis FUN. Otherwise, your life just revolves around Mock Cat(s)/CAT percentiles and its repercussions.

Then, these are the ones who’ll appreciate your MBA aspirations no matter how much you score! Coz your aspiring fellas, themselves, are in dire need of some kind of assurance (just like you!)


The most interesting conversation I ever had with an outsider:

Out: So, you are going to do MBA! Ok, you are a B.E./B.Tech. as well!?

Me: Yep. Yep I am.

Out: Sahi hai. Salary double ho Jayegi! Jitni Abhi hai, Double ho jayegi!

Me (Speechless! Surprised! Confused! Everything..!!) : Hmm…

Out: By the way, Abhi kitna kamaa lete ho!?

Me: Yehi kuch x.xx lpa ka package hai. ( taken aback as to why this question!!)

Out: Han bas… Double to ho hee jayegi.(Mind you, no exclamation here! He says this with complete Equanimity)


And I walk away, dazed and confused!!